BEING "SELFISH" CAN BENEFIT OTHERS: Would you believe that taking care of yourself first (that is, being "selfish") is good for you and for everyone around you? We are often programmed to disregard our body's signals and our intuition, so we think about others at the expense of our own needs. Sometimes taking care of ourselves can be the very best thing we can do for everyone else. As a life and business coach, I have watched hundreds of my clients adopt the standard of taking care of themselves. They obtain huge results: better relationships, improved physical and emotional health, increased productivity and more enjoyment of life in general.

YOU HAVE MORE TO GIVE WHEN YOU PRACTICE SELF-CARE: Think about how you respond to the needs of others when you are rested, have been away, or have had time to pursue some of your own passions and interests. When our batteries are charged, we tend to be more generous, spontaneous, loving and open. Our minds will be clearer, and our responses will be more genuine and creative. Give yourself permission to attend to your own needs so you have more to give to others. If you don't remember what this feels like, it's a clear signal to take some time off ASAP!

FILL UP YOUR ENERGY BANKS AND WATCH YOUR LIFE SOAR: I know that taking care of yourself is easier said than done. Our culture rewards over-achievers, especially encouraging women to do it all, often at the expense of their health and happiness. Of course, it's wonderful to be nurturing and giving to our friends and families. It's very tempting to respond to the needs of others because our hearts and our egos get some short-term immediate gratification when we pitch in. However, if it's not balanced with some deposits to ourselves, our inner bank accounts eventually run dry. Not only do we have less to give to others, but when we do give, it often comes with resentment. Taking an hour or two away from our to-do list regularly by reading, walking in nature, not answering the phone or email, talking to a friend or colleague, trying something new, or buying a small treat can quickly refuel us and get us going in a more positive direction.

FEEL THE GUILT AND DO IT ANYWAY: We often feel "guilty" when we take care of ourselves. However, we can learn to feel the guilt and do it anyway, just like we may have learned to feel the fear and take action. We have to re-frame the concept of taking care of ourselves (feeling "selfish") to realize that we are really being "self-supporting." Instead of letting guilty feelings be a stop sign, let's see them as a yellow light! After a while, you can get used to feeling the guilt. You may find that you like taking care of yourself. If you start to take care of yourself and feel guilty, pat yourself on the back because you are headed in the right direction! You are breaking old habit patterns and setting a great example for everyone else around you! You will also have more energy and compassion, too. Challenge yourself to do 2-3 "guilty" activities each week!

CREATE A COMPELLING VISION: If you could wave a magic wand and do something without feeling guilty, what would it be? How would you truly like your life to look? Take a moment to dream a bit without worrying about how you would implement your vision. Imagine how it would feel to be more relaxed, filled up, empowered and lighter. Think of others who embody the self-care and boundary setting practices you would like to institute in your own life. Keep your focus on this positive vision to motivate you to create new perspectives and practices.

TRY IT, YOU'LL LIKE IT: Remember the cereal commercial where the older kids encourage the younger child to "Try it, you'll like it?" Most of my clients find it awkward and uncomfortable at first to decline invitations, to resist the urge to offer help, or set some "Me" time aside. Like wearing high heels for the first time or trying to hit a fast pitch, it's challenging and tense when they first start out. However, once they experience the wonderful after-effects and see how good they feel after their "guilty" activity, it gets easier for them to maintain their self-care practices.

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES: Self- Care Cards by Cheryl Richardson;

The Book for People Who Do Too Much by Bradley Trevor Greive, a delightful, fun book to keep us on track for managing our lives;

Self- Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself as Effectively as You Care for Everyone Else by Alice D. Domar and Henry Dreher.

MOVING FORWARD: What would be the most fun or important self-care commitment you could make to yourself? What could you do that would make you feel REALLY guilty? How would your life be different if you took action and made your self-care a priority? Think about what shifts you would have to make in order to keep this self-nurturing commitment a priority. What supports do you need to stay on track so you fill yourself up and feel the guilt but do it anyway? Write down the answers to these questions and begin to put self-care appointments into your calendar to help you stay on track.