Dear Newsletter Readers,
As Mother’s Day approaches, it’s a great idea for us to reexamine our nurturing roles and turn some of our love and care inward!

Being “Selfish” Can Benefit Others Would you believe that being "selfish" can actually be good for you and everyone around you? We are often programmed to disregard our body's signals and our intuition, and think about others instead of our own needs. Although it's a counterintuitive notion, taking care of ourselves can sometimes be the best thing we can do for everyone else. As a life and business coach, one of the biggest lessons I have learned is that taking care of myself supports my relationships, my emotional and physical health, my clients and my business.

You Have More to Give When You Practice Self-Care Think about how you respond to the needs of others when you are rested, have been away, or have had time to pursue some of your own passions and interests. When our batteries are charged, we tend to be more generous, spontaneous, loving and open. Our minds maybe clearer, our responses more genuine and creative. If you don't remember what this feels like, it's a clear signal to take some time off ASAP!

Fill Up Your Energy Banks I know taking care of yourself is easier said than done. Our culture rewards over-achievers, especially encouraging women to do it all, often at the expense of their health and happiness. Of course it's wonderful to be nurturing and giving to our friends and family, but often comes at the expense of our own desires. It's very tempting to respond to the needs of others, our hearts and our egos get some short term immediate gratification when we pitch in. However, if it's not balanced with deposits to ourselves, our inner bank accounts run dry and we don't have much to give to others. Taking an hour or two away from our to-do list by reading, walking in nature, not answering the phone or email, talking to a friend or colleague, trying something new, or buying a small treat can quickly refuel and get us going in a more positive direction.

Feel the Guilt and Do It Anyway As most coaches will tell you, many of us feel guilty when we take care of ourselves. However, we can learn to feel the guilt and do it anyway, just like we may have learned to feel the fear and take action. We have to reframe the concept of feeling selfish to realize that we are really being "self-supporting." Instead of relating to guilt as a stop sign, let's see it as a yellow light. After a while, you can get used to the guilt and may find you like taking care of yourself. If you start to take care of yourself and feel guilty, pat yourself on the back! You are breaking old habit patterns and setting a great example for everyone else around you! You will have more energy and compassion too.

Say Yes to Yourself and No to Your Inner Critics We all have an inner critical voice that likes to keep us comfortable and safe. When we begin move towards better self-nurturing and say "No" to others, this critic wakes up and tries to keep things status quo. It will tell us that we are being selfish, that our friend or family member won't like us, that this will damage our relationships, that others will think badly of us etc. It's a good idea to name this voice, to make it less powerful. Then, when it starts to undermine our self-care plans, we can use positive self-talk to take away it's power. For instance, you can remind yourself that it's just "Bernie" or "Nina"' talking, trying to keep you stuck and safe. You can tell "Bernie" or "Nina" that it will all be okay, and suggest that they go be guilt police for someone else! Underneath that critical voice is the voice of reason and wisdom. However, you have to practice self-care and feeling guilty a while before this positive, wise voice can creep out from underneath the louder voice of the inner critic.

Moving Forward:

What would be the most fun or important self-care commitment you could make to yourself, what could you do that would make you feel REALLY guilty? How would your life be different if you took action and made your self-care a priority? Think about what shifts you would have to make in order to keep this self-nurturing commitment a priority. What supports do you need to stay on track so you fill yourself up and feel the guilt but do it anyway?

Scroll down to the GOOD NEWS section of the newsletter to be inspired by others who used the context of love to have more relationship success!

These people decided to take action in their lives, and leave their comfort zone enough to make some powerful changes. Some used coaching and/or therapy to assist them with their challenges. Each one had to face their fears, try on new behaviors, and trust their strengths. As you can see below, their efforts were rewarded. I also love to hear from former clients or others about their good news too! I only mention ages because many of my clients feel they are sometimes "too old" to have things happen for them.

INDIVIDUAL COACHING: Explore what coaching can do for you! For people new to coaching, I always offer a complimentary session designed to help clarify and move forward to the career, relationships, and lifestyle you truly desire! Coaching can help you gain clarity about your goals, provide accountantability and structure, and help you move through your obstacles and fear toward success. Coaching will help make the changes you want so you live a life that reflects your values and priorities! Click on the link under my picture to access my website, with a coaching video from a television spot I did for WCVB Boston Channel 5 Chronicle Magazine and detailed New York Times and Boston Globe articles profiling my work, and testimonials from satisfied clients.

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