Dear Newsletter Readers,

I hope that after reading last month's newsletter, you have decided to take more breaks and real vacations from work. I want to share some insights I learned on my recent European vacation. I have been fortunate to travel to many places in the world, but never by myself. I was excited to go to Switzerland for a former client's wedding and then to Italy to visit a friend and see the lovely sights. However, I had hesitations because my husband and friends were not able to join me this time. I usually have a detailed plan for each trip, but for this trip I had a very loose agenda. As it turns out, letting go of my expectations and being more spontaneous brought some wonderful surprises and allowed me to have a very enjoyable time! I hope my experience can help you, too, let go of preconceived notions. It's a good reminder to continue to look for the positive alternatives when things don't go your way, and stay flexible and open even when you feel out of control.

LET GO OF THE "PICTURES" YOU HAVE CREATED

I was so thrilled to be going to a former client's wedding! This couple has been together for nine years, and they have two beautiful children. It took a lot of trusting, negotiating, patience and love before they arrived at the point of marriage. But once they decided to commit, they held nothing back in their ceremony and celebration. Their story shows how to let go of preconceived ideas such as traditional time lines of marriage and "pictures" of how a family should look.

EMBRACE OPPORTUNITIES

I stayed at the same small inn as the bride's family. Originally the inn was booked, but I got a room at the last minute. It turns out that it was wonderful to have the bride's family "adopt" me for five days. At first my inner critical voice told me that I was intruding, and I resisted their offers to join them. However, I realized that their offers were sincere and reminded myself that I had better walk my talk! I am always suggesting to clients that they embrace opportunities and say, "Yes and......" when new or unexpected experiences come their way. Even though I had made other plans, I joined them for several excursions and had a terrific time.

BE OPEN TO MORE EXPANSIVE PLANS

Being open to different plans can often bring terrific surprises and bigger experiences than our narrow minds can conceive. When I let go of my original plans and joined the bride's extended family, I saw new places that I never thought of visiting. I learned about new customs, laughed a lot more, and also got to share my own knowledge of Switzerland. I enjoyed a much different perspective because I remained flexible and unattached to preconceived ideas of how to see the Swiss countryside.

TRUST THE PROCESS

When we let go of our mind's preformed pictures, we often have to step into the unknown. This process is frequently accompanied by uncomfortable feelings: loss of control, anxiety, fear, and perhaps even dread. I followed two family members to the more remote French-speaking part of Switzerland to see a castle. They had the directions and the guidebook, and they led the way. When we got separated for almost an hour in the huge castle, I felt lost and somewhat scared. However, I reminded myself that I was resourceful. First, I used my limited French to get directions for the two and a half hour train ride back to our hotel. Then, since it was near closing time, I waited for all the people in the castle to exit at the end of the day. I used a comical combination of gesture, broken French, Spanish and some English to enlist the guards in helping me find my friends.

GIVING UP HELPS BRING US WHAT WE NEED

As with so many other things, once I gave up the notion of finding my friends, sure enough I found them! I waited and waited as the castle closed and many people poured out the doors. I still didn't see my fellow travelers. Feeling dejected, I reassured myself and surrendered my original plans to take the long ride back with them. About five minutes after I let go and decided I wasn't going to find them, they appeared!

THERE MAY BE A BETTER OUTCOME IN STORE FOR YOU

I got another valuable lesson in the principle of letting go of my preconceived plans at the wedding. By this time, I had made some friends among the wedding party and was disappointed when I was not seated with them. I didn't know anyone at the table I was assigned to, and I thought about ways to try to sit at tables with people I knew. However, I reminded myself that there could be a bigger reason I was seated at that particular table, so I let go of sitting somewhere else. Once I let go of the notion that the other tables were "better" than mine, I thoroughly enjoyed the people at my table. By accepting my disappointment and moving on, I became emotionally available to connect with the very interesting people my hosts had carefully chosen for me to sit with. I had a wonderful time and even got an invitation to pursue a European coaching and training engagement!

MOVING FORWARD

Make a list of three or four situations where you let go of your expectations and your "pictures" or plans, and you got an even more desirable outcome. What qualities did you demonstrate to help you let go and give up these expectations or outcomes? What part of your life are you having the most trouble letting go in? What fear(s) prevent you from letting go in this area? What actions could you take to help you let go?

Recommended Reading:

The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie

Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships, by J. Keith Miller

Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles with Power and Surrender, by Judith Viorst

I hope this newsletter inspires you to be open to new possibilities and to let go of rigid habits and thoughts. Scroll down to the GOOD NEWS section of the newsletter to be inspired by others who let go and found even more desirable outcomes!

A woman working as a US Naval Intelligence Officer in Europe decided she would like to retire in Italy. She carefully surveyed the country to find the right spot for her retirement home. Although she originally set her sights on a different part of the country, she fell in love with a little house in a remote hill town. She bought the house, although it was not her picture of where she originally thought she would live. Despite living far away, she worked hard to renovate the house over a six month period. When she finally retired, she was pleasantly surprised to find wonderful neighbors in the small town, a terrific part time job, and even a romantic companion after many years of living alone.

A couple in their late thirties had a good idea of their ideal dream home. They identified a specific neighborhood that had good schools and wrote down their vision for this first home purchase. At first they were convinced that there was only one neighborhood for them to live in. However, for many months, no house in the targeted neighborhood came up within their specifications or price range. When they let go and decided to look at other neighborhoods, the perfect house came up in the neighborhood that was their original choice.

INDIVIDUAL COACHING: Explore what coaching can do for you! For people new to coaching, I always offer a complimentary session designed to help clarify and move forward to the career, relationships, and lifestyle you truly desire! Coaching can help you gain clarity about your goals, provide accountability and structure, and help you move through your obstacles and fears toward success. Coaching will help you make the changes you want so you can live a life that reflects your values and priorities! Click on the link under my picture to access my website, which has a coaching video from a television spot I did for WCVB Boston Channel 5 Chronicle Magazine, detailed New York Times and Boston Globe articles profiling my work, and testimonials from satisfied clients.

Free Lecture: Harnessing the Power of "The Secret" Brookline Adult Education Center Lecture Series, 7-8:30 PM on Thursday, September 27. Please join me for this interactive lecture about how to get even more exciting results using the tools and techniques from the popular book, "The Secret" by Rhonda Bryne. Learn how to get out of your own way, strengthen your trust, and develop daily and weekly practices that will take you to the next level of success in relationships, career, money and personal fulfillment. For more information and to register, call 617-730-2700 or click here.

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